March 29, 2003

open e-mail to nicholas degenova

Professor De Genova,

My I make a suggestion? Let's call this "constructive criticism": If you were to remove your head from your ass the quality of your academic instruction would be greatly improved.

At Wednesday's "teach in" you said (among several other shit-haired remarks), "If we really believe that this war is criminal...then we have to believe in the victory of the Iraqi people and the defeat of the U.S. war machine."

The enemy of the Iraqi people is Saddam Hussein--and any Iraqi free to speak his mind without fear of being eliminated as an enemy of the state will tell you that. The victory of the Iraqi people will come when the coalition that is currently working to remove Saddam's regime is successful....not defeated.

I used to be opposed to this mission because of concerns about the unprecedented preemptive crossing of borders to address a non-imminent (and possibly non-existent) threat. But I have come to support the mission based on the need to be rid of a psychotic mass-murdering tyrant. Please read a newspaper, or search the web, to enlighten yourself as to the barbarism of the Ba'ath regime.

Let me just give a brief illustration of what the "U.S. war machine" is.

When that piss factory Achmed Akbar (or whatever the little turd's name is...) rolled grenades into a command tent killing two (so far) and wounding ten others (not quite the "million Mogadishus" you so eagerly await), what did our war machine do to him? Did they string him up on meat hooks? No! Did they shoot his children or rape his wife in front of him? No! Did they feed him feet-first into a plastics shredder? No! Did they pluck his fingernails or sew back his eyelids and pour sodium-sulfide into them? No! You know what they did? They arrested him! And now he's going to face a *boo hoo* trial! So don't give me any shit about how our troops are war criminals who deserve the fate of the soldiers in Somalia. We're pretty damn civilized!

That's right, I said "we". Because, unlike you, I have friends in the military, and I am former USAF myself. But they are also my fellow Americans, and I wouldn't wish harm to come to any of them. Nor to any Iraqi civilian. Hell!, nor even to any Iraqi soldier! I hate war and I hate, unlike yourself, when anyone in injured or killed.

So, while Saddam's henchmen shoot civilians trying to leave Basra, shoot family members in order to get the others to fight the coalition, put tanks in hospitals and civilians at military targets, execute POWs, feign engine trouble and then blow up taxi cabs when our guys and gals offer to HELP the maggot, feign surrender and then open fire on our guys and gals, brutally murder supplies transporters and bury their shredded remains in shallow can keep cheering them on. I will keep hoping for a quick end to the hostilities, and the liberation of the Iraqi people.

I'm sorry that the number of coalition--and in particular U.S.--casualties isn't high enough for you. But, I suggest (again, some constructive criticism) that you ought to conduct yourself in a professional manner consistent with that of a well-compensated University professor. And in the future, for decorum's sake, keep your disgusting sociopathic fantasies of mass-slaughter to yourself.

Robert Warren Jones

Posted by Tuning Spork at 10:32 PM | Comments (0)

March 22, 2003

it's a war on terror, stupid!

As the anti-war protests in New York begin to turn ugly, there's a UPI story that's creating alot of chatter. A group of would-be human shields had fled Iraq and entered Jordan with videotaped interviews with Iraqis. One Iraqi mentioned that just as the American came to Iraq willing to die for peace, he was willing to die for his freedom. This is the operative paragraph:

"A group of American anti-war demonstrators who came to Iraq with Japanese human shield volunteers made it across the border today with 14 hours of uncensored video, all shot without Iraqi government minders present. Kenneth Joseph, a young American pastor with the Assyrian Church of the East, told UPI the trip "had shocked me back to reality." Some of the Iraqis he interviewed on camera "told me they would commit suicide if American bombing didn't start. They were willing to see their homes demolished to gain their freedom from Saddam's bloody tyranny. They convinced me that Saddam was a monster the likes of which had not been seen since Stalin and Hitler. He and his sons are sick sadists. Their tales of slow torture and killing made me ill, such as people put in a huge shredder for plastic products, feet first so they could hear their screams as bodies got chewed up from foot to head."

As an example of "before and after"; I was just watching a news report where a protester in New York was being interviewed by a reporter:

reporter: So you agree that Saddam must go?
protester: Oh, yes!
reporter: But, you think it should be done in a way other than by war?
protester: Exactly!
reporter: All right, then; how?
protester: Uuuuuuummmmmm......... which time she gazed off into the distance while searching her mind for an answer and finding only tumbleweeds blowing down the ghost town of her depth of understanding.
In terms of most protesters and human shields, I believe she represents the "before", and Kenneth Joseph is the "after".

But, the organizers of the protests, the hardcore anarcho-socialists, don't suffer from such moments of unclarity. They would probably read the above UPI excerpt and dismiss the Iraqis' desire for liberation as a product of their being so consumed by the immediate terror of Saddam that they have no time to consider the higher abstract concepts of agenda-laced anti-Americanism. (And, anarcho-socialism is not merely anti-Bush, it's politically anti-democracy, economically anti-lassez-faire, wholly anti-American.)

Posted by Tuning Spork at 06:45 PM | Comments (0)

March 20, 2003


The terror alert has been raised to "orange" again. I was just thinking back on how pundits and peons yammered about how confused it all seemed at the time the color-scale was first introduced. So, here's my idea:

Our traffic lights should have the same color scheme as the terror alert code. The colors are (from top to bottom): red, orange, yellow, blue, green. Doing this would address some the nuances of traffic law;

red = stop.

orange = come to a full stop, look around and be sure that the road is clear, go. It's in the vein of the "right on red" law--with no pesky "no turn on red" signs to look around for.)

yellow = caution, the light's about to turn red (or orange.)

blue = this will warn that the light will be turning yellow. This comes in reeeeeeaally handy on them wide-open, depth-perception-defying, main routes (i.e.: US-1) where every car is cruises at 40mph. When the light up ahead turns yellow you gotta hit the brakes and slow from 40 to 0 in 3 seconds.

green = go! man, go!

Plus, seeing the color scheme in a regular routine, everyday on the road, will help us all to remember A) which color falls where on the terror alert scale, and B) that driving your SUV helps to support the rebuilding of the infrastructure of newly liberated former dictatorships.

Posted by Tuning Spork at 09:58 PM | Comments (0)

March 08, 2003

teriyaki salmon

Wow! It's been a full week since I last attempted a post. Yeesh!
It's not that I have nothing to say; it's just that I've noticed that I can "write" whole essays in my head on a certain topic while at work, and by the time I get home I have no patience to put it all together again. *sigh* I'll try to do better.

But I did make some awesome teriyaki sauce for my baked salmon tonight!! And, unusually, actually thought to write down what I was doing so I could reproduce it! (Can't tell ya how many times I've made tasty treats and could never do it again. Damn culinary impulsion...)

I searched the web for some teriyaki sauce recipes and wrote several down. Then took some elements from that batch (based on what sounded good and what I had on hand) and came up with a plan. Put the plan into action; and found teriyaki salmon heaven!)

What'd I do? I took notes! So, here's the dope:

For the soy sauce; use one that ain't so dang salty. Lea & Perrins is too salty (their Worchestershire sauce had my blood pressure rising just from tasting it on my finger-tip). Kikkomon is better, but still border-line ('specially taste-wise). Check the label and compare mg of sodium on the nutrition info chart. De facto premium brands (meaning: expensive brands you may have never heard of sold in smallish bottles) are usually the best bets for quality taste. In this recipe I used Kikkomon Light (low sodium).

1 cup of Soy Sauce

3/4 cup light brown sugar (I used light because it's what I had. Might actually be better with regular; though you may need a sledge hammer to sift it...)

2 tsp jarred crushed garlic (because I didn't have the patience tonight to mince fresh garlic. If you want to chop yer own I'd suggest limiting it to one large clove or two small &/or medium cloves).

3 tbsp powdered ginger (I say powdered because I've always found fresh ginger to have a sharpness that overwhelms the tastiness; though, like garlic, the simmering may mute that to some extent.)

4 tbsp sesame oil

2 tbsp apple cider vinegar (I used Heinz Is there any other?)

4 tbs orange juice, freshly squeezed (strain out the pulp)

2 tbsp corn starch

1/2 cup water (more for a thinner consistency [*see below].)

Preheat the oven to 375 as you mix all the above ingredients together in a small sauce pan and bring 'em to a boil. After the sauce reaches a boil immediately lower the heat and let it simmer. STIR IT OFTEN!

When the oven is heated (and the sauce has been simmering 15 minutes or so [more if yer using fresh garlic and/or ginger, and not immediately baking it]), pour the sauce over the salmon steaks (I'm presuming you've already laid them out in a baking dish), and pop 'em in the oven. Let 'em bake for about 30 minutes.

Snatch the salmon from the oven and serve hot with the side dishes of yer choice (I made mushrooms and butter-slathered peas...I haven't learned to make miso soup yet).


Posted by Tuning Spork at 08:26 PM | Comments (0)

March 01, 2003

opinion poll confirms: most people are morons

A Blather Review-CVS poll conducted over the past week reveals that most Americans are surprisingly stupid. Some are more thick-headed in certain area, some in others, and still others are blithering idiots across the board.

The poll, conducted on site by unemployable post-grad english majors while loitering outside of CVS Pharmacies across the country, reflects the views of 1,483 passersby who seemed to have nowhere in particular to go.

The first question asked respondents if President Bush "should seek a 19th Resolution from the U.N. Security Council authorizing the use of military force in Iraq." The results largely in accordence with expectation;

52% Yes
33% No
15% Not sure

When asked if they were aware that the 18th Resolution, res. 1441, had already authorized military force in Iraq, they answered

51% No
37% What?
9% Yes
3% Not sure

The responses to next question; "Do you fear that an engagement in Iraq might become another Vietnam?", showed that concerns run deep with respect to our ability to accomplish the military goals in a timely manner;

73% Yes
12% No
15% Not sure

When asked then to name one man who was U.S. President during the Vietnam War, the responses were many, and usually given in more of a questioning rather than answering tone, and accompanied by a far away stare evoking the sound of crickets, or tha image of tumbleweeds rolling wistfully down the main street of a desolate 19th century ghost town.

15% Ronald Reagan
13% John F Kennedy
11% Abraham Lincoln
10% Richard Nixon
8% George Bush
7% John F. Kennedy Jr
7% Martin Luther King Jr
6% Martin Sheen
6% Charlton Heston
5% Alfred E. Neuman
4% Viet Nam
3% Winston Churchill
2% Paul Bunyon
2% Larry Storch
1% Lyndon Johnson

Switching gears, the pollsters next asked "Should the individual right to keep and bear arms continue to be guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution?" , and the respondents replied

53% No
28% Yes
19% Not sure

And when asked if they "believed that space aliens had crash landed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947" they replied

61% Yes
37% Not sure
2% No

And to the follow-up question "What's that behind you ?", the responses were, unsurprisingly;

10% My ass
7% A hole in the ground
83% Not sure

Respondents were then given a list of things and events and asked to identify fiction from non-fiction. The results:

fact/fiction/not sure

38% 41% 21% Loch Ness Monster
41% 40% 19% Freedom to excercize religeon
63% 6% 31% Alien Autposy photos
8% 77% 15% Oswald killed Kennedy
39% 52% 9% Moon landing was a NASA hoax
82% 11% 7% Al Gore won in 2000
3% 3% 94% Abortion ends a human life
17% 62% 21% Global Warning
68% 14% 8% Bruce Springsteen works for minimum wage in a steel mill in rural Ohio

Noting that the poll results show that those who say they believe that the Judicial Branch of government has authority to overturn legislation it finds personally disagreeable (72%), also believe that the statues on Easter Island were erected by ancient visitors from the Pliaedes star system (73%), seems to support the conclusion that, as we've all suspected for a long long time: we're largely a society of dumb-ass mush-heads.

But perhaps the most disturbing result of the poll is the answer given to the final question, "Would you like to see America become a true Democracy, governed by the will of the people as determined by referenda and/or opinion poll results?"

73% Yes
22% Not sure
5% No

This poll is unscientific and has a margin of error of +/-97%.

Posted by Tuning Spork at 06:23 PM | Comments (0)
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