December 09, 2006

and another meme ago...

I haven't done a meme in a while, so here goes. 63 Things you never cared to know about me. (I grabbed it from Stephen who stole it from Sarah who swiped it from Rachel.)

1) How old do you wish you were? What a stupid question. I guess I wish I was 43 since that's what I am and that's what I feel like. I presume.

2) Where were you when 9-11 happened? At home, waking up to Imus.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? I have no use for vending machines.

4) Do you consider yourself kind? Shaddap.

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? On your forehead.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be? Arabic.

7) Do you know your neighbors? I know them enough not to bother them.

8) What do you consider a vacation? The weekend.

9) Do you follow your horoscope? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

10) Would you move for the person you loved? Moving sucks. I have lots od record albums. Moving record albums sucks. Yes.

11) Are you touchy feely? No. Do not touch me.

12) Do you believe that opposites attract? Personality-wise, yes. Philisophically, no.

13) Dream job? Playing sloppy guitar for million$. But, then, look what that got Curt Cobain...

14) Favorite channel(s)? What are these channels of which ye speak? I haven't watch TV since the 2004 debates.

15) Favorite place to go on weekends? Bed.

16) Showers or Baths? Showers. Only when I'm particularly cold to the bone do I relish a hot bath.

17) Do you paint your nails? Nope. Nor my wagon.

18) Do you trust people easily? Yes. I believe that I'm surrounded by trustworthy people (with one exception). Most people can be trusted.

19) What are your phobias? Heights. Not in real life so much, but in my dreams.

20) Do you want kids? I used to, but the time has passed. I think I still have the love and patience, but I'm not sure I'd want to test that.

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? No. I tried it back in college. Somebody read it. I prefer to keep my thoughts in my head.

22) Where would you rather be right now? Las Vegas. Or Tokyo. Not sure why. I just feel like mocking something right about now...

23) What makes you feel warm and safe? My friends.

24) Heavy or light sleeper? Heavy. You do not want to wake me up with a question.

25) Are you paranoid? Shaddap, I'm onto you.

26) Are you impatient? Next!

27) Who can you relate to? My relatives.

28) How do you feel about interracial couples? My best friends? Love 'em.

29) Have you been burned by love? Yep. @#$% people things...

30) What's your life motto? Walk softly and always carry a cup of coffee. That way, if someone asks you to do something, you always say, "Sure... Want some coffee?"

31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Huh?

32) What were you doing at midnight last night? Sweeing soundly.

33) Who was your last text message from? N/A

34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine.

35) What color shirt are you wearing? green and grey. It's usuaslly my official St Patrick's Day shirt.

36) What are you listening to right now? My fingers hitting the keys.

37) Name three things you have on you at all times? Keys. Watch. Pants.

38) What color are your bed sheets? Leopard-skin.

39) How much cash do you have on you right now? Now yer gonna make me look... $35.o8

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken? The egg.

41) What's your fav city/place? Corinth, Vermont.

42) I can't wait till . . . tomorrow.

43) Who got you to set up a blog? Rachel Lucas.

44) What did you have for dinner last night? Re-heated pizza.

46) Have you ever smoked? Gonna light one up right now. Thanks for the reminder...

47) Do you own a gun? That's for me to know and you to find out.

48) Tea or Coffee? Coffee. I don't like to waste time.

49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Honesty. Believe it or not, it works.

50) Do you have A.D.D.? Honesty. Believe it or not, it works.

51) What time did you wake up today? 10:30.

52) Current worry? Currency.

53) Current want? Sunlight.

54) Favorite place to be? `With my friends.

55) Where would you like to travel in the future? Montana.

56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? If history is any lesson: somewhere else.

57) Last thing you ate? Really bad frozen Salisbury steak.

58) What songs do you sing in the shower? the sounds of silence. Meaning: I don't have time to sing! I';m toop busy getting my business done.

59) Last person that made you laugh? Bob Anderson. Don'y bother, You've never heard of him.

60) Worst injury you've ever had? Fractured knee-cap. Lost the summer of '77.

61) Does someone have a crush on you? Yes. She's not what I'd call "a cutie", but I am thinking about her...

62) What is your favorite candy? Well, I'm not really into sweets, but I'll say Three Musketeers.

63) What song do you want played at your funeral? Goodbye by Paul Stanley.

And there ye have it. Now what's on your mind. Hmmm...?

Posted by Tuning Spork at 03:40 AM | Comments (189) | TrackBack

December 08, 2006

Pizza with extra poison, please...

So anyway, I wanted a pizza so I drove to a pizza place that I'd passed by a b'zillion times but never stopped at.

I looked at the menu on the wall for a few moments until the proprietor said "That menu's no good. Have a look at these." He motioned toward two stacks of papers; one blue, one yellow. "The blue sheet is our regular menu, the yellow is our smoked stuff."

I shrugged off the yellow menu and grabbed a blue one. I ordered my usual: Small pie with hot cherry peppers. After a few minutes -- and spread the dough and sauce and cheese and stuff -- I remembered to ask: "Can you make that well done? I like it crispy." "Sure...!", he said.

I bided my time by perusing the blue menu. It had the predictable assortment of appetizers, calzones, chicken wings, salads and subs. But, after a few minutes, I became curious about the yellow menu.

Now, there were two guys in this place. The guy who took my pizza order seemed to me, at the time, to be the blue menu guy, while the other guy seemed to lurk about in the back area and perhaps was the yellow menu guy. It was just a feeling I had. Anywho, I plucked up a yellow menu and saw that it was full of chicken and pork dishes. Mainly pork.

Pulled pork sandwiches, ribs of all kinds, chicken parts, whole chickens, BBQ sauces and such. Then I noticed the small print at the bottom.

All of our meat is pulled by hand, and we may miss a bone or two every now and then. Please be aware while enjoying this great southern cooking. Consumer advisory -- These items may contain raw or undercooked ingredients. Consuming raw or undercooked meats increase your risk of food-borne illness, especially if you have a certain medical condition.

Ooooookay. I read it again. Then I read it again. I didn't really think about it at the the time, but I noticed that the "other guy" was watching me. I folded the menu to put it in my pocket, but then grabbed a blue menu as well. I suppose that I didn't want to bring attention to myself but perhaps I already had.

I presume that y'all are aware of the whole Taco Bell e coli thing going on. Well, just as I was pocketing these two sheets of paper, the local news playing on the TV set in the restaurant aired an item on food poisoning. Seems a guy had eaten undercooked chicken at a restaurant and ended up paralized from the neck down for a while. He had to learn to walk again, talk again, etc. They reported about safe handling of meat and, among many other things, mentioned that your refridgerator should be kept at 40 degrees or lower. Strangely, I hadn't even connected the yellow menu and this news item. I watched it because it was interesting, but undercooked meat and this pizza place didn't really connect in my mind even though I'd -- just a few minutes earlier -- pocketed a disturbing menu.

"Interesting piece on undercooked chicken, wasn't it?" the other guy said. Now, I'd been in the place for probably ten minutes by then and he'd been a lurking, distant, shadowy presence up until then.

"Oh, yeah. How 'bout that," I said, quickly readjusting to smalltalk-with-a-stranger mode. "Ain't that sumpthin'?"

He seemed very eager to talk to me about proper hygiene re: food. A little too eager. "Cooking chicken... When I went into the restaurant business I had to take a class." I got the distinct impression that hee was trying to convince me of something; to prove himself. Odd. And uncomfortable to me at the time.

"I think that most people," I rambled, "understand that chicken and pork need to be fully cooked, but... at a restaurant..?"

"That should never happen," he said, shaking his head at the TV.

"Interesting thing about keeping the refrigerator at 40 degrees or lower," I said.

"Oh, yeah," he nodded enthusiastically. "I always keep it at 38. And, when the weather gets cold, it'll easily get down to 36."

It's not just that he wanted to talk to me, but that he was so into it. I was his new best friend for a few minutes. It was only after I'd left the place that I remembered that I'd grabbed that yellow menu with the disclaimer about the raw and/or undercooked meat warning.

So, I wonder. Did he think that I might've been an undercover cop? Health inspector? Insurance lawyer? Blogger?

I dunno.

The pizza wasn't all that, by the way.

Posted by Tuning Spork at 01:13 AM | Comments (1014) | TrackBack

December 07, 2006

If you knew suzi...

...before she was Leather Tuscedero...

Posted by Tuning Spork at 02:21 AM | Comments (1419) | TrackBack

December 05, 2006

Anybody still here?

Well, it's been a while since I wrote an actual post. And I couldn't find any YouTube videos to take up space, either. So, lemme just see what's on my mind....

Feels good to finally get the yardwork done. Just moved thirty (30) big bags of leaves from the backyard to the curb. Love having the trees in the summer, but it's a real workout to clear all the leaves come autumn. Most of 'em are from a 40-foot tall red oak that stands between my and my landlady's house. And the wind seems to blow all the leaves from her yard into mine.

I used to love breakfast at diners. Diners always seemed to have excellent omelets and coffee. I hadn't been to a diner for breakfast in years but, in the past six months or so, I've begun frequenting them again.

None of 'em seem to know how to make toast anymore. I've been to, I think, seven different diners in the past six months and they all give me two slices of white bread that has just a hint of dryness, but no color. And the butter doesn't melt on them. And whenever I've ordered bacon, it's either burnt to a rock-hard, tooth-cracking crisp or it's that paper-thin pre-cooked/re-heated unchewable crud. Even McDonalds has better bacon than these relatively expensive hash houses.

Anybody ever try Gold Bond Medicated Body Lotion? It's supposed to protect your skin and relieve the itching that comes with rashes, poison ivy, mosquito bites, hives, minor burns, etc. I've had some red blotching for a few weeks now that, near as I can tell, comes from stress. (Although I don't feel like I'm under any particularly acute stress lately. At least, no more than usual.)

Anywho, the Gold Bond does relieve itchiness for a while but, lemme tell ya, when you first apply it this stuff burns like a Sunni in Shi'iaville. After about five to ten minutes the burning goes away, but then you're left with a thin coating of cool, oily residue that makes your skin very sensitive to your clothing. I know exactly where my shirt is touching my skin. It doesn't itch, but it's annoying nonetheless.

And speaking of steak sauce, I used to think that'd I'd never find a better steak sauce than A-1. I tried a few other brands but they were all godawful, until I found Newman's Own. That is some excellent steak sauce. Then, about a year or two ago, I tried Emeril's. Now THAT is perfect steak sauce. It's got excellent flavor with just enough of a hot wang to make it all the more tasty without being too hot.

Unfortuanately, I just discovered that I'm out of Emeril's Steak Sauce, so I grabbed an old bottle of Newman's Own that I had in the cupboard.

Well, it's been in the cupboard for quite a while, it seems, since the "sauce" has turned to a watery liquid. No good. So I went around the corner for some A-1, but they were sold out. So I drove down the street where had a tiny little bottle for $3.39. So I drove a little further and got that same little bottle for $2.99. (I wasn't about to drive all the way to the supermarket as I intend to eat my steak before I leave for work in about an hour.)

On that note, the oven should be heated up (no broiler pan, #@$% it) so I'm off to bake a porterhouse steak and dress it with overpriced sauce. Hope it comes out all right.

Posted by Tuning Spork at 03:10 PM | Comments (538) | TrackBack
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