December 13, 2004

Cellphone: The Black Hole Of Peripheral Awareness

I'm not long for this world.

Not because I'm beset with extraordinary trials, nor because I've lost any desire to see what in the world will happen next. I'm not long for this world because I walk a lot.

Walking is cool. It gets the heart pumping, the legs jamming, the beat bringing favorite old tunes to mind. But, when you have to cross a lot of street corners, walking can be hazardous to your health.

Once a week, for the past month, I've come this close to being slaughtered by a car or truck. Wha..?! No! Uh huh.

So, let me just say this in the most politically wrong terms that I must:

Hang up and drive!

I single out you ladies only because, in my experience, you're the only culprits. You watch for other cars, but not for pedestrians. I'm a pedestrian. Do not question me.

If you want to argue that men and women aren't any better or worse than the other at different tasks then we'll have no argument because I refuse to debate that point. I've seen enough.

I know that you think that talking on the phone is no different than talking to someone sitting next to you, but you're wrong. I'm not sure why, but I know you're wrong.

Okay, enough with the male/female dynamic. Let's just deal with the big picture, shall we?

People often like to protest that they'd oh so much prefer to talk face to face rather than on the phone. BULLSHIT. The telephone is more intimate and we all know it. I've said things to people on the telephone that I'd never have said to them face to face. The "lack of intimacy" of a voice vs face is a lie that we tell ourselves for who knows what reason. Maybe we're just dumb.

The telephone is the black hole of peripheral awareness. I learned this back in high school when my friend was on the phone with someone... who cares who. I tried to show him a drawing and he fidgetted and brushed me aside intent on preserving the integrity of the phone conversation.

Not long ago my friend Tex stood in my kitchen on his cellphone and practically goose-stepped around the room as he was talking on his cellphone. Try interupting someone who's on the phone and then tell me that it's the same as talking to someone standing beside you.

When you're talking to someone next to you you can still watch TV, work on whatever project you're working on and even monitor other conversations going on around you. But when you're on the phone you're doing only one thing: talking on the phone.

Like I said: I don't know why it's so different, but it is.

So, word to the wise: If you're driving and want to make or take a call: pull over. You think you can drive and talk on the phone at the same time, I know, I know. But, trust me, to do one effectively you're gonna have to do the other haphazardly.

Choose one or the other 'cause Hey, I'm walkin' here...!!!.

Posted by Tuning Spork at December 13, 2004 11:34 PM
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