BLATHER REVIEW

Say It Ain't So, Bernie!

Welp, looks like 9-11 hero and Baghdad Police Department saviour Bernie Kerik has withdrawn his name from conderation to be the next Director of Homeland Security.

Bernard Kerik apologized to President Bush on Saturday after questions about the immigration status of a housekeeper-nanny he employed led the former New York City police commissioner to withdraw his nomination as homeland security chief.

Aah, remember Zoe Baird and Kimba Wood? They each had to be de-considered for Attorney General back in '92-'93 for the same reason. Then Hillary found Miss Janet Reno and at least we didn't have to worry about low-wage earning childcare specialists anymore.

"I owe the president an enormous amount of gratitude for this consideration. I owe him a great apology that this may have caused him and his administration a big distraction," Kerik said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press from his home in Franklin Lakes, N.J.

Yep, sure do, Bernie. Remember when you were asked, prior to the public announcement of your nomination, if you had any skeletons in your closet? That was the time to chime in about the illegal alien you're harboring.

"I am convinced that, for personal reasons, moving forward would not be in the best interests of your administration, the Department of Homeland Security or the American people," Kerik said in a letter to Bush.

For personal reasons? What does that mean? Oh, right....:

While assembling paperwork for his Senate confirmation, Kerik said he uncovered questions about the immigration status of a housekeeper-nanny that he employed. As homeland security secretary, Kerik would oversee the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency.

Oopsie! Kinda sucks when you gotta obey the rules that you're enforcing for others.
Hey, wasn't it the NYPD that announced a few years ago that it wasn't going to help to enforce federal immigration laws? I wonder what really inspired that policy?

I love ya, Bernie. You led the NYPD through 9-11 and it's aftermath and were the picture of strength and competence through it all. I give you three cheers and a huzzah for leading the rebuilding of the Baghdad police force. And when I first read that you were tapped to be the next Director of Homeland Security I'm sure I must grinned from ear to ear.

But, geeze! Did you simply forget about that lady who takes care of your kids all day, and why it is that you can skimp on her pay and her payroll taxes?

In the AP interview, Kerik said that on Wednesday he discovered financial records "that led me to question the tax filings regarding a housekeeper and nanny that was employed by me in my house, a very nice woman, a very good woman, someone who loves my children and they love her."

By Friday afternoon, Kerik said, "I came to realize that that there was not only a problem with the filings, there may have been a question with regard to her legal status in the country."

And not only is there a trail of crumbs leading from the kitchen to the kids' room, but the cookie jar may be a little light. But they're completely unrelated!

Well. they're obvious not unrelated because if they were you'd still be in the running for the post.

Democrats...were focusing on Kerik's recent financial windfall from exercising stock options in a stun gun company that does business with the Department of Homeland Security. He earned $6.2 million from the options received from Taser International.

You stuck to your guns. And those "Dems" were torquing me off, too. If you'd been running the Department of Homeland Security at the time then there'd be a conflict. But, sheesh, Taser International makes frickin' Tasers^TM. And who more than a former Chief of Police would see the company as a good investment.

As recently as midday Friday, the White House had defended Kerik against questions of conflict of interest involving his relationship with Taser. Now, Bush is turning his attention to finding a replacement.

As well he should. Busted.

Kerik's first anti-terrorism work was as a paid private security worker in Saudi Arabia. He joined the New York Police Department in 1986, first walking a beat in Times Square.

In 2003, he took on a temporary assignment in Iraq to help rebuild the country's police force. Most recently, he has been a consultant for Giuliani Partners, working to rebuild Baghdad's police force.

Great work, too. You're the top, Bernie, and what a shame this is. When it comes to law enforcement you're the bells of Saint Peter's in Rome and tissue paper on a comb. Just don't forget to obey the laws, too... all of 'em.

There's a lot of work yet to be done and we're gonna need you there. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Posted by Tuning Spork at December 11, 2004 05:25 PM