March 16, 2006

"Holiday Day": a final solution

As Saint Patrick's Day approaches my mind turns to the true meaning of the various holidays that we celebrate. While the so-called "Holiday Season" has passed some three months ago -- and shall return again in about eight months -- I think that this is an opportune time to reflect on just what we need to accomplish, in the meantime, to ensure that the yearly "assault on Christmas" does not rear it's ugly head yet again.

As we saw last year, many municipalities had taken to refering to their towns' Christmas trees as "Holiday trees". This begs the question: "What holiday does the 'Holiday tree' represent?". Since Christmas is the only holiday that is celebrated, in part, by decorating a tree, it is safe to conclude that the term "Holiday tree" is woefully disconnected from reality.

The solution, therefore, is to do away with the observance of Christmas and to replace it with a "Holiday Day". This would be one day, in late December, when all of the co-equal religious and secular holidays would be observed simultaneously by all Americans.

The exception, of course, would be the Muslim holy month of Ramadan. Since the Muslim calendar does not strictly follow Earth's curcuit around the Sun, Ramadan occurs at different times of the infidel "year" with each passing. And, since Ramadan cannot, therefore, be observed on the proposed "Holiday Day", it shall be observed by all Americans as if it were their own holy month in order to avoid any unnecessary offense.

As we've seen, religious offense can lead to some very unfortunate effects including, but not limited to, violence, vandalism and suffering. Since we have no right to impune the behavior of those whom we do not understand, we must address the root cause of their anger. And the root cause of their anger, all evidence suggests, is our own stubborn adherence to the idea of free expression; our own selfish protectionism toward individualism and liberty; and a wanton disregard for the sensibilities of those who disagree.

In order to allay the fears of the offended we must look at our own propensity to offend and to correct ourselves accordingly. Resistance to the establishment of the theo-neutral "Holiday Day" must be dealt with swiftly and harshly lest a situation deteriorate from mere protestation to full-blown insult. Co-operation must be the number one priority if we are to finally rid our society of the clashes that nurture our divisions.

The way is clear. In the name of all that is good, our mission must be to make the world safe for diversity. Afterall, we are building a Utopia here. Dissent will not be tolerated.

Allahu, Aloha.

Posted by Tuning Spork at March 16, 2006 06:48 PM | TrackBack
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