January 28, 2004

Scene From An Unwritten Screenplay

Our protagonist -- we'll call him Spooning Torque -- has been walking for miles in the cold and wind. He is cold and sore and wants only to rest comfortably. He spies a Motor Inn down the road.

Torque: Oooh! A hot bath in that place would be pure heaven!

He trudges to the motel and meets the desk clerk

Torque: Excuse me..

Clerk: Yyyeeessssss?

Torque: Yes, pardon me, but are you the desk clerk?

Clerk: Ye.. No, I'm an 18-wheeler with a mustache.

Torque: Heh. Well, did I read your sign correctly... that you charge by the hour?

Clerk: Oh, yeeeesss! Love lasts forever but the night is only just hours!

Torque: Well, you have full bathtubs? Not just shower stalls?

Clerk: Why, yeeeeeesssss!! Of course! You can't be swept off yer feet if there's no room to sit, riight?!

Torque: Heh, I suppose not. But, look; I'd like a room for two hours.

Clerk: Ooooooo, two hours. Wanna take it slowly and gently, eh? (he winks and nudges the air between them with his elbow)

Torque: Definately. I want it as hot as possible; so hot I can hardly breath.

Clerk: Ooooo, and (leaning forward in a near whisper and a wink) what do you plan to do?

Torque: Absolutely nothing!

Clerk: (excitedly) Ooooooo!!!!! You're a man! Well, I've got cabin 9 all set and ready for you and... and... (looking around) I don't see your friend...

Torque: Oh! No, no I'm alone.

With sudden stoniness the clerk drops the keys into Torque's open palm, and the strange new guest limps and staggers his cold and wet and sorry ass toward cabin 9. The clerk shakes his head, approaches the office sink and washes his hands.

Clerk: (muttering) Freaky nihilist. (shuddering) Now I feel like I need a shower.

Posted by Tuning Spork at January 28, 2004 09:48 PM

Aaaugh! I startled the cat!!! That was hilarious!

Posted by: Susie at January 29, 2004 12:13 AM

Did that desk clerk have a stroke recently, by any chance?

Posted by: CD at February 2, 2004 10:13 PM

Why yyyeeeeeeeesssssss!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at February 5, 2004 01:09 AM
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