December 17, 2003

Judges Challenge

Week Two of the King of the Blogs competiton is underway!
The three remaining challengers have answered the Judges Challenge, provided by Harvey of Bad Money:

Your significant female other asks you, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

How do you respond? Details a Must.

So, here's my entry:

Y'mean, if I had it to do all over again? I'd pretend I'd gone deaf. Here's what happened the last time I answered that question:

"Honey," she coo'd from the bedroom doorway, "Does this dress make me
look fat?"

"Oh, yeah!" I exclaimed. "I love it! It makes you look so phat
that all the other guys are gonna wish they were me tonight!"

"WHAT?!" she shouted as she searched for something heavy to throw but
finding only magazines and cats.

"Babykins! I've never seen you look so phat!" I consoled. "The
way that dress hugs your form; those colors... You must be the phattest
chick this side o' the Mississippi."

"How can you say that to me?!" she whimpered causing me to look
away, "I don't wanna be fat!"
As the tears began to flow I knew that I had to give her a hug.

"There, there." I said as I stroked her hair. "Why don't you want to
look phat? Are we getting so old that we actually reject the current
"look"? Should we just resign ourselves to a safe non-descript
appearance? I want you to look phat, Honeybunch. Tonight and for the
foreseeable future I want you to look phat." .

"*sniffle* You do?" she said as she looked up at me.

"Oh, yes. Yes, Indeed, I do."

Now she weighs 280 pounds and spends her evenings sitting on the couch in
her underwear while scraping the bottom of a peanut butter jar with a
plastic knife. All to please me.
Word to the wise: Never underestimate the importance of making sure that
you and your gal are speaking the same language and, more importantly,
never speak in lingo that's too young for you.

Oh, the question! "Does the dress make her look fat?" Depending on the
dress, of course, the correct answer is either a "No"; or b
"Well, it does seem a little repressive..."

I'm probably toast in this round since Clarity amid Chaos and Vigilance Matters wrote excellent answers. Oh, well.

Posted by Tuning Spork at December 17, 2003 07:19 PM

Hey, I enjoyed it!!! I laughed, I cried, it moved me...thumbs up!

Posted by: Susie at December 18, 2003 01:40 AM
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