BLATHER REVIEW

Dear Tuning Spork

And, now: a blast from my past!

Welp, once again I got nothin'. So what I've done is gone back through a collection of old stuff I wrote in High School.
For my Creative Writing class's yearbook I did an advice Column called "Dear Malcolm." (Malcolm was a pen name I gave myself back then. Why Malcolm? Because I'd seen A Clockwork Orange a bazillion times!)

Anyway, here's one entry from that column (and you'll herein discover that my occassional, yet well-placed, use of foul language in my writing is long-standing). The questions for the column were submitted by my Creative Writing classmates.

Dear Malcolm,

I have a little doggie who used to sit and beg. My doggie tumbled down the stairs and broke his little leg.
Now my doggie will be walking funny permanently and I don't think I want him anymore. Help me.
--Crip

Dear Crap,

What the hell is wrong with you?! Have you no heart nor soul?! You must be a really shallow and selfish excuse for a human being!
Don't you love your doggie?! Apparently not! You didn't even mention his name!!
There are plenty of nice people out there who would love to give that poor doggie a home!
Imagine; not wanting your dog simply because he broke his leg. Jeeze, you probably pushed him! Asshole.

Heh. :)

Posted by Tuning Spork at October 30, 2003 09:51 PM